The Pros and Cons of being the Oldest Daughter

It's nice to have your family close, but nicer when they don't rely on you so much. Really. I felt suffocated everytime they rely everything to me, that they couldn't decide without my approval.  I felt pressured yet I do not want them  to feel bad. It's hard. So hard that sometimes I wanted to give up. Maybe it's because I am the oldest daughter but really, isn't it a bit comforting that the responsibility is upon my shoulders?  I wondered what it feels like if my older sister, Rhoda Ann is alive. Would it be different? I guess, it is. I hope, wherever she is right now, she's happy. You know, I kind of believed that when a child died at a young age, God is making them an angel. I think there's a shortage of angels in heaven. I hope my angel, my guardian angel to be exact, would be her, my sister.  Well, I hope that God would help me with all my responsibilities and obligations, that someday, somehow, everything will fall into place with His guidance, protection and undying love for me.  So help me God!

Im the Magnet of Information

I often wondered why most of my friends share their personal / private information to me. Is it because I don't easily open up with other people or am I just trustworthy enough? There are people who chooses who they open up to and I guess I belong in this criterion. Damn, I felt grateful yet cursed because somehow, other people think we we're gossiping about them when in fact, they're just sharing some tidbits of information about their lives. There was this instance when one of my co-employee, lets just call him Jing-jing, who somehow loves to talk about himself, his relationship with his lover and family and mostly his plans for a greener pasture, so with our silent whispers and giggles, one of my co-employees thought it was about him/her.  I wanted to explain to him/her that it wasn't about him/her yet he/she should indifference towards me, so, I kind of stopped talking to him/her.  In my defense, it isn't my business if he/she feels like that and I come to a conclusion that I won't be explaining anything to him/her. We were not even talking behind his/her back.  I am not guilty of anything he/she accused me of. Between the two us, HE/SHE should be the one to feel the guilt and he/she knows why. Can he/she somehow be a bit remorseful with his/her actions? Yet, he/she managed to turn the table. How awesome is it? Well, the good thing is, after two weeks of silent treatment, he/she comes around like nothing happened, like it's all in the past now.  And personally, I'd rather be on speaking terms with him/her than hold grudges to anyone.  Let's just say, I easily forgive but hardly forgets. Hahaha!!!

To Tatskey : The One and Only

This is my version of a "Dear John". You have always loved me through my baggages and craziness. Remember those times when I failed to reply your texts or answer your calls? It's my way of saying that I missed you a lot and I want you to come and I need you by my side. And you fell for it, didn't you? Hahaha!!! Ok, so if I'm acting weird and moody, you know what to do. You've seen me in my worst condition yet you stood by me, you even took care of me and for that I am forever grateful!! Hyperacidity really sucks so never skip a meal! That's a command! Anyways, you are everything important to me and I’m the luckiest for finding someone like you! I love you dy, to infinity and beyond!  Yours and only yours, My

Don't Trust People Easily

My instructor once told me that "Humans are basically evil" and in my mind, I was like, "di man gud!" Later on, I learned that there are two sides of this story. According to Jean-Jacques Rousseau, "Humans are basically good" while Thomas Hobbes said that "Humans are basically evil". I told myself, this maxim, whether you choose the one over the other, truly speaks of your belief in life.  I believed in what my teacher said, like, I instilled it in my mind. Maybe, just maybe, I am too good to believe that each one of us are really good in nature.  You see, life is hard and you've got to work real harder to attain your goals. Along the way, you meet people who you'll classify into three: one, those who encourages you, two, those who tend to drag you down and three, those who will support you along the way. Then, as you grow older, you'll realized in which category these people really belongs to. You'll also realized that even the nice people have their limits too. And then, you changed. I maybe a hard nut to crack but once you made it,  you become a part of my life. I just wish that everyone stays, if not, you'll forever be in my memories. There are times when everything is blue and no one is there to listen for you. Then, you learned to put your hands together and pray. I pray that God will take the pains and hopelessness away, of being a failure as a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece; of not being able to lend a hand for those who asked for help, for being selfish, for everything that I failed to do. And so, I told myself, "Yes, my teacher is right. Humans are indeed evil!"