The Pros and Cons of being the Oldest Daughter

It's nice to have your family close, but nicer when they don't rely on you so much. Really. I felt suffocated everytime they rely everything to me, that they couldn't decide without my approval.  I felt pressured yet I do not want them  to feel bad. It's hard. So hard that sometimes I wanted to give up. Maybe it's because I am the oldest daughter but really, isn't it a bit comforting that the responsibility is upon my shoulders?  I wondered what it feels like if my older sister, Rhoda Ann is alive. Would it be different? I guess, it is. I hope, wherever she is right now, she's happy. You know, I kind of believed that when a child died at a young age, God is making them an angel. I think there's a shortage of angels in heaven. I hope my angel, my guardian angel to be exact, would be her, my sister.  Well, I hope that God would help me with all my responsibilities and obligations, that someday, somehow, everything will fall into place with His guidance, protection and undying love for me.  So help me God!